Numinosity Wellness

From Christina Rose:

I am always looking for fun and easy articles for clients that help describe useful tips on different issues. I picked up Bonkers Magazine for the first time this week, and am really enjoying it. Since I’d wanted to share something about holiday stress in our Holiday Newsletter, I was quite delighted to see the following article. I hope you find it useful.

Blessings for a de-stressed holiday.

Happy, Happy Holiday: How to Really Be Happy
by Tina B. Tessina
Excerpted from Bonkers Magazine December 2009 issue

Holidays can be the best of times and the worst of times. No matter what you observe: Ramadan, Kwaanza, Chanukah, Solstice or Christmas, this is a celebratory time of year. For some it’s a joy and a time for gathering with beloved family members. For others it’s a nightmare – with pressure to spend too much, eat too much, and socialize with those we don’t even like. If your holiday expectations are out of line with what you really want, then you’ll be stressed. However, holidays can be a source of bonding and strength with a little thought and pre-planning.

De-Stress the Holiday

To de-stress the holidays, get intentional about them. Happier holidays require three things:

1.lighten up on expectations
2.ask for help
3.understand what other people are thinking

1.To lighten up expectations, understand that this is your real life, not a picture-book experience. Family or friends may squabble, food may not turn out perfectly, and gifts may not go over as well as people hope. A sense of humor will help lighten up the whole thing. Think of yourself as a holiday trouble-shooter, rather than a designer of perfect scenarios. Find out what’s really important to you, your guests and your family, and pare your celebration down to the important things. Focus less on spending money or decorating, and more on spending time with those you love.

2.Ask for help by getting other people engaged in the happenings. Ask them to share the work. You’ll find that a lot of camaraderie comes out of working together, and a lot of the holiday fun will happen behind the scenes as you work with others to get ready. Your family and friends will feel more a part of the celebration if they actually help create it.

3.Understand what people are thinking by talking about events in advance with your spouse, your children, or other members of your family and friends. Ask them what they like most and least, and what they hope will happen. If you know their “hidden agendas,” you’ll be less surprised.

Let Go of Small Problems

No matter how well you plan, little things can go wrong. Don’t let them spoil the whole day. Just let them go, using the following steps”

1.Perspective: Put it in perspective – will it be important an hour from now? Fifteen minutes from now? Most little things won’t be.

2.Self-understanding: If someone or something upsets you, don’t exacerbate the problem by getting on your own case for reacting. It’s normal to have emotional reactions, but you don’t have to let them show or act on them.

3.Rise above: If someone upset you or was rude, give a littler prayer of thanks that it wasn’t worse, say a blessing for your friend (who probably needs it) …

4.Benefit of the doubt: If someone hurt your feelings, acknowledge that your feelings are hurt, and consider the other person is probably just clumsy, not intentionally hurtful. The world is full of emotional klutzes who don’t realize the impact of their words and actions…

5.Consider the source: A relative or neighbor who is truly nasty may repeatedly hurt your feelings. Consider what must be going on inside that person’s head, and be grateful that you’re not hearing that. Even the meanest people are far nastier to themselves than they are to others…

6.Give an Adult time out: If someone repeatedly hurts, abuses or disrespects you, the best way to handle it is with an adult time out. This is a powerful and subtle way of fixing the problem. Simply become very distant and polite around the person who is not treating you well. No personal talk and interaction, no joking, no emotion. Be very polite, so no one can accuse you of being unpleasant, mean or rude. There is no need to explain what you are doing; the problem person will get the message from your behavior – which is much more effective…

7.Detach from difficult family: Learn to treat difficult family members the way you’d treat a member of someone else’s family – with whom you’d not react to obnoxious things, but just politely ignore what they’re doing or saying, and maintain a pleasant demeanor.

Add Meaning

Once you’ve made your holiday easier and less stressful, you have room to add more meaning.

Encourage family members to talk about what’s meaningful to them, or their favorite holiday memories. If your holiday is Christmas, for example, invite each person at your celebration to choose or bring a favorite ornament for the tree, and ask them to tell why it’s meaningful to them. Spend a moment after Christmas dinner asking senior family members to share their memories of Christmas past. Gather around the tree and read a favorite inspiring story. Or read a few pages of a longer work…

Whatever you are celebrating this time of year, make this your season of love, peace and warmth.

Copyright 2009
Tina Messina